So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
