yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
