i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
