walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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