I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
