Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
