seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
