now i know why i became what i already was.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
