you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
