The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
