ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
