listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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