btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
