Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
