im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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