I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
