Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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