At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
