census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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