You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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