She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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