I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
