these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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