you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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