My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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