Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
