It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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