She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
not ubering you a puppy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
