i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
