It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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