Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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