I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
