fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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