I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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