last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
