if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
