just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
