Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
