I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
