apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
