I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
