I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
