i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
