He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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