I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
