Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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