If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
