Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
