yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
