How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
