What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Panties = found
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