I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's blow job season.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
