I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
