I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
