so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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