just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Green mimosas i think yes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
