Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
