apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
