My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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